Could You Live Without Toilet Paper?

Have you ever thought of how life would be without toilet paper? Can you imagine living without toilet paper then going to a friend's house, asking to use the facilities and then seeing toilet paper for the first time? I would feel cheated, why had no one told me about this before. Well I believe there are tons of great products on the market today that can give people that same feeling.
After a long afternoon hiking with friends we went back to their house for dinner. I had been carrying a heavy backpack all day and my back and shoulders were killing me. After noticing that I was in pain my friend pulls out a cloth bag filled with corn. She puts it in the microwave for about three minutes then slaps it on my shoulder. Ahhh, sweet relief! It was amazing how the pain melted away. I felt better almost instantly. Why did I not have one of these? I had never even seen one in the store. I felt cheated. All those aches and pains of my past could have been treated with this outstanding invention.
Even more recently I discovered a product that has since made my life simpler. I was by myself in one of those restaurants that call your number and you pick up the food at the counter. On this day the place was packed. I had to stand against the wall and wait for a seat to become available. It was my lucky day, a seat opened up right next to where I was standing. No sooner had I sat down then I heard my number over the crackling loudspeakers. I could see that other people were waiting like vultures to snap up the next seat left abandoned. The lady at the next table could see my predicament. She leaned over and handed me a handkerchief. "Use this" she said. I looked down at the cloth and saw that it was a sign. It said "I'll be right Back" in bold print along with a cute cartoon. This thing is so cool. I laid it on my table and went to pick up my order. I could never live without this convenience now.